[30 Sep 2006|02:22pm] growing resentful. 1 comment|post comment

it's a hard hand to hold [30 Sep 2006|06:51pm] [ music | willy mason ] i think i'm going to stop engaging for a while. i'd rather not talk, i'd rather not do anything. i'd rather stay at arm's length because i'm tired of being in the wrong, and maybe i am, probably i am, but either way, it's not a good way to feel. and if you're alone you can't be angering or hurting anyone, so maybe that's just the best thing to do right now. i don't trust myself with the mess in my head and i know some things can't be said and i just don't know if i want it anymore. so i'm going to keep them all in my head and save them as the last thing that is truly mine and not someone else's to be invaded on or judged or taken and twisted and changed. and i simply cannot believe that is is merely september. a little girl came into work today and gave me a valentine. losing the energy to do. scrutiny. left on my own i feel better, but when i interact i feel sad/resentful/exhausted again. it never used to be like this. what i'd really like to do is hibernate. where is my niche? 1 comment|post comment

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